The Yellow Shorts Saga: What We Can Learn from Third Culture Kids Research

by Jessi Vance, Susanna Grace Spaulding, and Kelli Boesel

The Evangelical world is no stranger to the term missionary, ever since Jesus commanded his followers to “go and make disciples of all the nations.” Peter, Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas all pioneered global missions efforts. The children of missionaries are commonly referred to as missionary kids, or MKs, for short.  

The Evangelical world is no stranger to the term missionary, ever since Jesus commanded his followers to “go and make disciples of all the nations.” Peter, Paul, Timothy, and Barnabas all pioneered global missions efforts. The children of missionaries are commonly referred to as missionary kids, or MKs, for short.  

All children of international workers fall under the category of third-culture kids. These people require attention when considering global missions work. Paul, an unmarried, childless missionary, asks this question when discussing qualifications for a church leader: “…if he does not know how to lead his own household well, how can he lead the Church of God?” (Aramaic Bible in Plain English). 

Missionary kids are a distinct group of people. Those who are directly involved in their lives can minister to them more meaningfully and prevent them from falling through the cracks created by a lifetime of growing up amidst cross-cultural missions. What does this mean for the parents of MKs and those who send them to the mission field? 

Once upon a time there was a girl named Jessi. She was American by birth but grew up in Central Asia. The daughter of missionaries and the oldest sister to three rambunctious boys, she proudly and meticulously pored over a brand new Land’s End catalog in preparation for a furlough. 

This would be Jessi’s first time visiting America since her family moved overseas six years ago, and at 13 years old, she wanted to look just right. Yellow shorts. Knee-length. Elastic waist. Covered in big, red cherries. A modest blouse with an embroidered cherry to match. And of course, a headband in the same pattern was the cherry on top of the ensemble. 

If this was a missionary kid story from the 1960s, the ending might be slightly different, but it isn’t. Jessi landed in a little town in Massachusetts, looking not at all ‘just right,’ and quickly learned that American Eagle had replaced Land’s End and that the give-and-take closet at church had more fashion sense than her own neatly packed suitcase.

Seventh grade was a hard year for Jessi. Honestly, it’s a hard year for anyone. But in addition to navigating middle school drama and who-likes-who, she also had to navigate this new culture that was supposed to be her own, yet felt as foreign as could be. She fought with her parents, just like any teenager. She also battled with her own warring desires to hang out with the ‘cool kids’ and still maintain her missionary kid poster child good reputation. She was homesick for a world she wasn’t sure would still feel like home when she returned. And she still didn’t know how to dress right. 

A bright spot in that confusing year was the organizer of the aforementioned give-and-take closet. Amy was an outspoken Italian woman with a thick Boston accent and an opinion on everything. What she didn‘t know about missionary kids she made up for in fashion sense. It became her personal mission to set aside only the best and the brightest for the little missionary girl. The cherry shorts have since become famous in their own right, told over and over again to other MKs struggling to transition between two worlds. Every missionary kid has a similar story of embarrassment or just not understanding how to be American even if their passport tells them they are. But not every MK has an Amy in their corner.

Yellow and Blue Make Green

Before proceeding, it is crucial to define the term third culture kid (TCK). Cultural anthropologist Ruth Useem launched the study of this phenomenon in the early 1950s when she coined the term “third culture.” Useem describes culture as “the learned and shared behavior of a community of interacting human beings” (1963, 169). 

What is this third culture, then? Who belongs to it? What are its privileges? What are its challenges? In the simplest terms, “a third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture” (Van Reken 2009). Because childhood experiences mark this group, even when a TCK has grown up, she identifies as a third culture kid for the rest of her life. 

People who grow up in multiple cultures feel a sense of relationship to each one, yet feel they belong to none. Consequently, they find ownership in a created third culture, made up of people like themselves. Location or codes of conduct do not define this culture, but rather shared experiences do. 

While the work of David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken (2009) has looked more closely at many of the intricacies of this group, it remains a largely unstudied, mysterious collection of individuals. 

Several researchers have conducted studies targeting this nebulous population. Useem grandmothered the understanding by giving it a name and studying the group throughout her professional career. Pollock and Van Reken are the contemporary frontrunners in this field, having published several editions of their book Third Culture Kids, which deals with the personal identity and development issues faced by these people. 

The MK-CART/CORE study published by Mission Training International surveyed several hundred adult MKs and found notably that “interactive dynamics both within the family and the family’s relationship outside itself are important to understand for encouraging healthy development and effective ministry” (Powell and Bowers 1999). 

Although these resources are varied and helpful, the lack of peer-reviewed, up-to-date research on children who grow up cross culturally is a bane for anyone seeking to do progressive work in this field.

In 2013, Jessi graduated from Hope International University with a degree in Intercultural Studies and a focus on third culture kids. She was frustrated by this lack of research on the swiftly growing population of TCKs, and the even smaller amount of material available about missionary kids in particular. As part of her capstone project, she administered an informal online survey of missionary kids on Facebook using SurveyMonkey.com. 

Jessi had a desire to learn how missionary kids’ upbringing played into their view of ministry and to hear stories about favorite memories and painful challenges. Ultimately, she sought to learn if something needed to change, and if so, whether she could serve as a catalyst. The survey circulated for almost four months and reached 715 MKs from 67 countries, ages 15 to 69. This extensive sample exceeded expectations and provided much needed insight into an obscure culture.

Gold and Other Blessings

Grasping the concept of third culture and missionary kids lands a far cry away from understanding the intricacies of the lifestyle. On paper, a child of missionaries looks no different than any other kid in the world. There’s hurt feelings and lost friendships; there’s fights with parents and temper tantrums; there’s adventures, rebellions, first dates, bad grades, and favorite bands. There’s the trusting younger years and confused teenage years. 

The difference for those who move across national borders during their developmental years is that minor traumas are heaped together with other difficulties to overcome. Current research names some of the specific challenges of third culture kids to be “confusion over loyalties, sense of belonging, [and] personal and cultural identity in adulthood” (Mace and Winter n.d., 107). 

To better bring to life these particular issues faced by MKs, survey participants responded to an open-ended question asking them to describe the most challenging or painful part of growing up overseas. Of those who chose to answer, 18% said that reentering or returning to their passport countries for a designated period of time on furlough was the most difficult aspect. 

One described the familiar hardship of “having to reenter ‘home’ culture and be an outsider yet not seen as one.” This theme of the contradiction between how others view TCKs and how they view themselves is reflected in the answers of the 27% who wrote that the complexities of the TCK identity and feelings of not belonging were the hardest. A specific difficulty mentioned was “people trying to press you into moulds, so that you fit into the way they understand the world.” 

Finally, the largest portion of respondents, 38%, said that saying many goodbyes was the most challenging or painful part of growing up overseas. One MK related this to a fear of commitment, reflecting that in her teen years, she “was unwilling to attempt to make friends after [they] moved, because [she] knew they would eventually disappear.”  

The combination of all of these issues play into every TCK’s life. The missionary life is transient, and all of these various responses reference that in some way. Family can play a big role in adding some much needed stability. A 47-year-old adult MK now raising her own kids overseas says “…you MUST ensure that they feel wanted and loved and secure in their family, or they‘ll believe that they do not belong anywhere.” 

The relationship between God, family, and work brings another major complexity to the life of MKs in particular. In the secular world, if a workaholic parent puts his or her job before raising children, this implies a negative quality. The children blame the job. Even in monocultural Christian circles, if a job takes a higher priority than family, others look down on and even criticize this. 

But what happens when the job is ministry? If family comes second to ministry in the name of the Great Commission, is it justified? Psalm 127:3-5 states, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward.” Children are a blessing and a legacy. If you sacrifice their well-being along the way, have you succeeded? 

A 27-year-old male MK who answered the survey noted this conundrum: “If Shell sends me to the Middle East and my kids have a terrible time, they blame Shell. If I work in the ministry and my kids have a terrible time,
who will they blame? God and me, and rightfully so if I don‘t balance ministry and family in the right way. ”  

In the survey, this man was not alone in making this consideration to prospective missionaries. 

Twenty-one percent of participants who offered advice to families considering raising children overseas said, in some variation, that missionaries should put their families as a priority before the ministry. One included, “Family is precious and to be guarded as gold…Give your family a worthy identity and remember your children are your first mission field—always.” 

Nineteen percent of respondents included the advice of trusting God’s call and provision in pursuing a life of full-time, international Christian service. Many echoed the sentiment that “God will provide.” Fourteen percent advised that parents should make their children a part of the process, either in making decisions or in ministry efforts. 

Another MK spoke of the positive effects of keeping communication lines open, saying, “Involve your kids in your decisions—chat everything over as a family. Let your kids express their feelings, no matter how ugly.”  

Overall, MKs responded positively, with 42% of those who answered the question eager to encourage families to follow the call to go overseas. Many claimed their international upbringings as indispensable blessings in their lives. One encouraged families to, “Love, support, and encourage one another! Your kids will be richly blessed and learn heaps from the different cultures, and probably thank you someday.” 

Church leadership and missions organizations have an opportunity as well to learn from this insight as they come alongside those serving overseas to strengthen the health and legacy of missionaries and their families. 

Kaleidoscope of Cultures

The missionary kids surveyed gave a general consensus of their overseas experience. More than anything else, MKs have a positive relationship with the childhoods they experience. Ninety-nine percent of those from ages 15 to 18 indicated some degree of satisfaction with having grown up overseas. They also remarked on the degree of benefit or harm to the individual they believe that the MK lifestyle has. 

On average, of those ages 15-24 and over 30, 86% indicated some degree of benefit, and 14% expressed some degree of harm. Often, we hear the stories of hurt, fear, abuse, and lost faith. These stories do exist, and more than a few missionary kids surveyed were brave enough to share the horrific and heart-wrenching pain they experienced. 

Similar to monocultural statistics, these stories remain the exception, not the rule. These metrics quantify what almost every missionary kid will tell you: It’s worth it. It’s crazy and it’s hard, but it’s also thrilling, rewarding, and life changing. Missionary kids are ruined for the ordinary. The many pieces of a missionary kid’s life may seem fractured and disconnected from one another, but with the proper perspective and understanding, they have the beautiful potential to be viewed through the lens of an ever-turning kaleidoscope. 

Dick Hillis, founder of One Challenge, proclaimed, “Every heart with Christ, a missionary; every heart without Christ, a mission field.” Whether you’re a parent of an MK, the leader of a missions organization, or an “Amy”, you play a significant role in the life of missionary kids. The MK life is defined by transition and multiple cultures, but our world is created by the vast network of people we call family.  

Rather than forgetting missionary kids, their parents and those who work in ministry alongside them should aspire to see them in their work. Instead of considering MKs either as casualties of the career or automatic converts, every MK should have the right to individual treatment and prioritization with their own specific challenges, triumphs, and needs. This attention will allow missionary kids the potential to fully embrace, process, and make sense of the mosaic of places and people that shape their memory of the past, their experience of the present, and their hope for the future.            

References

Mace, Katia and Liz Winter. n.d. “Adolescent and Pre-Adolescent Migration: Implications for Identity.” Cambridge University.

Pollock, David C. and Ruth E. Van Reken. 2009. Third Culture Kids: Growing up among Worlds, rev. ed. Boston: Nicholas Brealey Pub.

Powell, J. & J.M. Bowers. 1999. “K-CART/CORE: A Multi-mission Research Model” abstract. Journal of Psychology and Theology 27  

Useem, John, Ruth Useem, and John Donoghue. 1963. “Men in the Middle of the Third Culture: The Roles of American and Non-Western People in Cross-Cultural Administration.” Human Organization XXII(3):169-179.

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Jessi Vance (Uzbekistan), Susanna Grace Spaulding (Philippines), and Kelli Boesel (Guatemala) are all actively involved in TCK ministry in their personal and professional lives, largely through Jessi’s nonprofit Kaleidoscope, which works to meet the needs of third culture kids through meaningful conference programming.

EMQ, Vol. 53, No. 3. Copyright  © 2017 Billy Graham Center for Evangelism.  aAll rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or copied in any form without written permission from EMQ editors.