The Missionary and Porn

by Jim Lo

Our wives had just left the room where we had been eating. Once they were out of hearing range, my guest leaned towards me and in a whisper, said, “Jim, I need to talk with you about a very sensitive issue.”

Our wives had just left the room where we had been eating. Once they were out of hearing range, my guest leaned towards me and in a whisper, said, “Jim, I need to talk with you about a very sensitive issue.”

My facial expression must have conveyed the message to him to continue on. “I am struggling with pornography. It began as a small thing, but now it has escalated to uncontrollable proportions. Who would have ever thought that this could happen to a missionary?”
A former student of mine was doing missionary work in a European country for an entire year. One morning I received this e-mail message from him.

Desperate. Dr. Lo, I need your help. Please pray for me. I want to live a life of purity, but it has been so hard here. Every where I look there are images of naked people. Posters flaunt nudity. Television airs pornographic shows. Magazines blatantly show sexual pictures. I feel as though I am being attacked from every side. My resolve to be pure is waning. Temptation is getting the best of me. Please remember me in your prayers.

At a missionary gathering I talked unofficially and informally to ten male missionaries about the issue of pornography. Of the ten, two had struggled with pornography and three were still struggling with it. By dialoguing with these men I was given the following insights:

1. Missionaries should not think that they are immune to the effects of pornography. One of the missionaries I spoke to had ministered in Cambodia. Before going, he had heard reports about the large prostitute population that existed in this Southeast Asian country, but he thought to himself, “I am a missionary. God will protect me from being sexually tempted.”

But it was in the fulfilling of a simple errand that his downfall began. His wife had asked him to pick up a children’s video for their son to watch during a long holiday weekend. Arriving at the market and the stall where videos could be rented, he searched for the title his wife had asked him to get. As he went through the videos, he came across some pornographic ones. Their covers left nothing to the imagination. He reasoned with himself that just looking at the video covers was not actually hurting anyone. The “real sin” would be if he were to go and actually sleep with a prostitute.

Before long, he began making up reasons why he needed to go to the market. But his real purpose in going was to go look at the pornographic video covers. With time he went beyond just looking to actually renting some of the videos. In secret he would spend hours watching scenes which he knew were wrong for a Christian to be watching, especially a missionary. His words still ring loudly in my ears, “I told myself that I would be immune to pornography, thinking that just because I was a missionary I had special protection. How wrong I was. I let my guard down and the pornographic monster finally did me in.”

2. Missionaries should beware of overworking. Another thing that I learned from the men I spoke to was that they felt that their resistance level against pornography decreased the more fatigued they became. One of them explained it this way:

I had the savior syndrome. As a missionary I took it upon myself to try to solve all the problems that were around me. I felt that I had to save the people out of whatever stress or mess they were in. For this reason I began working longer and longer hours. My family suffered since I did not spend much time with them. When I wasn’t running from one ministry to the next, I was meeting with different boards, trying to come up with new ministries that we felt would improve the living conditions of the nationals. I could feel my physical body weakening under the pressure of overwork. But I told myself that a good missionary did not mind being overworked since God, himself, would overwork himself to meet the needs of suffering people.

But overwork does eventually catch up with a person. Over a period of time I found myself becoming emotionally “numb.” I did not feel much sorrow, joy, sadness or excitement. I was like a moving, mechanical zombie.

One day I was on the Internet looking up some information for a new ministry I was thinking about starting. As I was surfing through the different sights I unintentionally happened onto an X-rated site. Understand me, I was not purposefully looking for pornography, but the images tempted me to want to see more. It was the first time in months that I felt any sort of emotion. I felt “alive” once again.
Every time I needed a shot to fill the emotional vacuum in my life I went to my computer. I reasoned that it was my reward for having given so much of myself in ministry. “God will forgive. All the good I am doing as a missionary far outweighs a few moments of looking at naked people.”

The grip of guilt tightly squeezed my heart, but I was trapped. The more tired I got the more I began depending upon pornography to get an emotional fix. It was horrible. The guilt feelings, mixed with the temporary feelings of pleasure, made me feel like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. My effectiveness as a missionary decreased as I sought to live the double life. My family life also suffered. It took me almost losing everything before I came to my senses and realized that I was allowing pornography to hurt myself, my family and my ministry.
One of the interviewees gave these words of advice, “One way for missionaries to resist the temptations of pornography is to learn how to rest, relax and pace themselves.”

3. Missionaries need to have an accountability partner. Of the ten missionaries to whom I spoke, five had accountability partners. Each one felt that their partner was a key to helping them stay pure. I began meeting with an accountability partner my second year of missionary service. As I and the other missionaries were setting up guidelines of accountability I jokingly said, “During our times together, don’t be too hard on me.”

The other missionary wisely said to me,

Jim, I will love you, but, I will be honest with you as well. If I sense an area in your life that needs work I will confront you about it. I will ask you the hard questions because I care about you …. and I would expect the same from you.

The following are some of the questions my accountability partner asked me every time we met:

• Have you been with a woman anywhere this week that may be seen as compromising?
• Have any of your ministry dealings lacked integrity?
• Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit materials?
• Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?
• Have you effectively budgeted your time?
• Have you taken time to rest?
• Have you just lied to me?

Did I always enjoy my sessions with my accountability partner? To answer “yes” would not be telling the truth. But were they beneficial for me? Definitely “yes.” Knowing that every week I would have someone ask me soul-searching questions certainly helped me to want to guard myself from things and images that could tempt me sexually.

Conclusion
While getting ready to come home from his year of service, the short-term missionary to Europe, who had written me the e-mail asking for prayer, wrote me again.

Jim, I made it. It wasn’t always easy, but I can honestly say that I made it. It was a real eye opener to realize that even missionaries are susceptible to the damaging effects of pornography. It really can begin to take control of one’s life.

But it was also good to recognize that even though I will never be immune to its poisonous venom, I can take steps to help me resist its destructive grip. I made sure that I took the needed time to get refreshed physically, mentally and spiritually. And having another missionary to be my accountability partner really was a lifesaver. If I had not taken these steps I know that I would not have made it.

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Jim Lo is an associate professor of intercultural studies and the coordinator of Intercultural Programming at Indiana Weslyan University.

Copyright © 2003 Evangelism and Missions Information Service (EMIS). All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or copied in any form without written permission from EMIS.

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