The Latin America Missionary Family: Challenges and Blessings

by Dr. Carlos Pinto

In order to better understand the reality of the Latin American missionary family, it is necessary that we Latins set aside our tendency to incorporate into our imagination the picture of an Anglo Saxon missionary family. Instead, it is time we work on looking to learn from the life experiences of Latin American families who have immigrated to foreign countries. It is only with this image in our cognitive constructions that we can begin to visualize more clearly the particular needs of our Latin American missionary families.

In order to better understand the reality of the Latin American missionary family, it is necessary that we Latins set aside our tendency to incorporate into our imagination the picture of an Anglo Saxon missionary family. Instead, it is time we work on looking to learn from the life experiences of Latin American families who have immigrated to foreign countries. It is only with this image in our cognitive constructions that we can begin to visualize more clearly the particular needs of our Latin American missionary families.  

For example, evidence from investigation on Latin families who have migrated internationally shows that the woman-wife-mother is the one who adapts more easily to the new culture, as opposed to the man-husband-father. The woman is the one who ends up assuming a leading role in the process of facilitating healthy cultural adaptation, due to her ability to be more flexible, socially outgoing, prone to risk taking, and her more humble ability to assume the role as learner of a new lifestyle. On the contrary, the male tends to be more ridged and proud, and to look for spaces of power instead of service.  

It is interesting that in spite of this evidence of the important role of the Latin woman-wife-mother, missionary orientations among Latins have tended to consider only the man to be in charge of guiding the family towards a healthy cross-cultural transition. In these training orientations, the role of the male is given much more visibility than that of the female, leaving her role devalued.  

At the same time, literature about missionary families affirms the direct correlation between the family’s capacity to adapt well culturally, and the effectiveness of their ministry and longevity on the mission field. If this affirmation is correct, we would do well to give space and consideration to women, wives, and mothers, empowering them in the orientations given to missionary family candidates.  

Historical Factors

The female in Latin America has played (and continues to play) a central role in the interior of the family. She is central especially with regard to family protection, transmitting cultural and religious values, and connecting the family within the neighborhood and community.  

Though she is referred to as being the weaker sex, in reality she is often the emotionally stronger. In moments of crisis, the Latin female demonstrates more capacity for the resilience needed to overcome the conflicts that families face in their different stages. For this reason, Latin American colloquial expression states, “The man is the head, and the woman is the neck that turns the head.”  

At the same time, it is recognized that the woman/mother in the home is the one who maintains a more affectionate relationship with the children. She listens to them, trains them, and transmits the history and identity of the family. Psychology points out that the relationship of mother-child is of supreme importance to the self. When the relationship between the mother and son/daughter is good, the ‘self’ of the child is developed with strength, and the child can organize their psychological defenses and affirm themselves as persons more quickly. It is the mother who gives the little ones care; it is she whom the baby first sees and develops a connection with, she who becomes the infant’s guide in their new world.  

Raising children is not an easy task, and to do this in a new cultural environment without developed social networks makes this an even greater challenge. Therefore, it is necessary to pay special attention to the women/ mothers during missionary orientation, before they leave for the mission field, so that they are more informed and empowered to carry out their motherhood in their place of service. 

Challenges and Blessings in Lifecycles of the Family 

The Latin American missionary family, like any other family, experiences the various stages which bring change, and demand adaptation. The development stages of a family are generally as follows:

•  the newlywed couple
•  the couple with small children
•  the family with adolescent children
•  the family with young adult children
•  the couple with an ‘empty nest’
•  the retired couple
•  the elderly couple  

The couple needs to be trained with regard to the stage in which they find themselves during orientation, as well as the stages that they will occur while on the mission field. For example, one must be aware if we are training a recently married couple, still experiencing the challenges and blessings of marriage while at the same time as learning to live in a new and unknown culture. Since they will be living far from family and friends, they will face the challenge of feeling alone. However, at the same time they will receive the blessing of having additional time to learn to adapt to life as a couple. Then, together, they can work to adapt more rapidly to their new culture.

When the couple has a child, it is time for them to face the demands and gifts of being parents. Many times, in this stage the male feels displaced from being the center of his wife’s attention, because she is now giving more attention to the child. Children bring the blessing of providing a conversation topic between the couple, and helps them to relate with other families in the community where they are serving. The children become a blessed communication bridge. 

However, it is also in this stage that caring for children produces financial tension: expenses grow, but the offerings tend to remain the same. The sending church ought to be informed about the changes to the family, and include in their budget support according to the stage of life the missionary families experience. 

When their children begin to grow, the missionary family experiences the tension of trying to adopt the customs of the people they are serving, but at the same time strain to maintain the customs of raising children from their home country. In some cases, the customs and norms of the missionary family are contrary to those of the country where they are serving. This leads to tension for both the parents and children. Over time, however, parents become more flexible in the freedom they give to their children with their friends in the country which has embraced them.  

When their children become adolescents, the couple faces the challenge of accepting that their children are no longer small. As the children seek their own identity, they may reject the customs and authority of their parents. On the other hand, the couple with adolescent children experiences the blessing of seeing how their children have grown. In many cases, the adolescents have a way of thinking that is more open, as they have adopted ways of thinking and acting from both the culture of their parents, and their host culture. This is the result of having third culture kids. 

The biggest challenge in this stage is to know whether or not to let the kids relate socially with people of the other sex in the culture of service. Clear and honest communication becomes necessary. The style of communication used before with the children needs to transform into one that is less vertical and imposing. In this stage, it is important to listen well to the adolescent, who has a desire to be treated as an adult.  

The next stage is experienced when the children leave home, usually to return to the country of their parents, in order to initiate their lives as young adults. They often enter university, and begin their first jobs. This stage is the beginning of what is known as the ‘empty nest’ stage and brings a mix of emotions to the parents as they experience the void left by the children’s departure. 

It is a big challenge to adapt to the absence of the child, but at the same time it is a blessing to understand that, in the end, God is their eternal father. The couple will have more time for themselves as a couple and for the ministry if they decide to stay on the field. The biggest challenge in this stage is thinking about how to provide adequate further education for one’s children, so that they also can have a prosperous future.   

Self-Assessment of the Missionary Family 

How can one live out each of these life stages in a way that allows him or her to adapt well culturally in the country where he or she serves?

The call of Abraham and the pilgrimage of his family was guided by three principles laid out by God: 

•  Remember from where it was that I brought you out
•  Recognize that I am the one that liberated you
•  Worship your God for giving you the land which is your inheritance
•  Have faith in the love, grace, and power of the One who has sent you to be a testimony for Jehovah in other nations 

Are we following these principles? Let me conclude with some questions we can begin to ask ourselves in order to serve better as families on the mission field: 

1.  How flexible are we as a family? A family that is extremely ridged will not be able to adapt well to a new culture.
    
2. How authoritatively do we as paternal or maternal figures exert our role in the family? Extreme authoritativeness only provokes fear and rebellion in the children.  
    
3. What is the level of cooperation within our family, and how individualistic are our relationships?  A family that cooperates with each other is more resilient and better able to resolve the conflicts that come with adapting to the host country.  
    
4. How well are the feelings and ideas of each member of our family respected? Or how much lack of respect is exhibited when there are differences of opinion? When the ideas and feelings of others are not respected, then the children will not share with their parents because they will be convinced that they will not be heard.
    
5. What is our communication style within our family? Is it one of love, tolerance, and empathy, or do we communicate with imposition, authoritarianism, or insecurity? Do we communicate fatalism, or hope?  
    
6. What messages do we give as parents about the value of the people and their culture where we serve as missionaries? If the parents are always criticizing the culture of the host country, the children will also grow up rejecting the place where their parents have brought them to live. The message of love to God and love to one’s neighbor needs to be expressed both in word and deed, so that one’s children can grow up in an environment of love and acceptance, where each individual is valued. This is needed to communicate gratefulness to God for having given his life for the people of all races and cultures. In this way, his message—that  everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life—will not be obscured. 

. . . .

Dr. Carlos Pinto is a consultant in member care, and a member of the teaching team of Missionary Member Care with COMIBAM International. 

EMQ, Vol. 53, No. 4. Copyright  © 2017 Billy Graham Center for Evangelism.  All rights reserved. Not to be reproduced or copied in any form without written permission from EMQ editors.