Self-Care (1 of 3)

Thriving in Cross-Cultural Ministry Installment 23: Self – Care (1 of 3)

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

 – Luke 10:41-42

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus Christ, my righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

– “My Hope is Built on Nothing Less,” Lyrics by Edward Mote

Please help me select a title for the book these articles will become: forms.gle/hiqWxPkcW5bh4e8e6

Reminder: Your fellowship, sending organization, or team may not align with my advice. Trust your leaders as you respectfully share what you learn.

If you would like to see more in this series, visit bit.ly/4aXWTjQ.

Too often I have heard “someone should have,” when the reality is that the “someone” is the speaker! “Someone should have known . . .,” yet the speaker did their best to hide whatever it was. Unfortunately, in this day I too often observe or experience the “everything is someone else’s to solve” mentality.

The most important take away from this chapter is that you are responsible for your care. Do not wait for someone to come to you and ask for it.

If you are not ready to take ownership of developing a proactive plan to maintain and, if necessary, restore your mental health, you need to remain in or return to wherever you consider home. Those who do not too often become a burden on their team and undermine the team’s ability to fulfill their vision and goals.

BE PROACTIVE

Your departure may make you sad, or glad, or relieved, or disappointed, or depressed, or some or all of those. This is normal. Even if you leave a robust ministry which you started or supported, you may feel like a failure for leaving. You may feel disloyal to local friends when you decide to leave an untenable situation because you have options others do not. You may feel guilty that you are excited to leave, and your grace for what you do not like may have faded long before you left. This is where a good debriefing will help you to process your loss and grief, even working through hidden losses like respect, relationships, and purpose.

You are responsible for:

• Your care.
• Your relationship with God,
• Your physical and mental wellbeing,
• Your language and culture acquisition at a pace that is aggressive, but sustainable,
• Developing and maintaining friendships on or outside of your team.

Grieve your losses.

• You will experience “physical” losses (favorite foods or drinks, face-to-face time with lifelong friends, your health, or sleep) and “intangible” losses (sense of accomplishment, sense of belonging, respect related to prior accomplishments).
  • Acknowledge and grieve these losses to help you work through them.
  • Regular debriefs will help.

Raise your hand.

• No one knows what you need if you do not ask for help.

Ask early!

• If you allow your physical or mental health to deteriorate, you become an avoidable burden on your team, organization, or sending fellowship—or all of them!
• Waiting until you collapse does not make you a hero.
• It adds extra strain on your team and support network and is disrespectful to them.
• Do not wait for “someone” to contact you.

Tips to Stay Healthy

Pray.

• Your time with God is the best way to build the resilience, patience, mental fortitude, and correct outlook to flourish on the field (or anywhere).

Rest.

• Continue (or start) Sabbath rests.
• In tithing, you trust God with your money. With sabbath you trust in him with your time.

Have fun.

• Enjoy or develop (then enjoy) a hobby.
• You need balance—do something you love every day, even for a few minutes.
• Be sensitive to local norms.
  • For example, sunbathing for a woman in a conservative Muslim culture might not be the best hobby choice.

Debrief.

• Do a long-form debrief after your first six months on the field, then just before your first home leave/furlough, and then either every two to four years or after changing countries or teams.
• Expect to spend three to five days for a thorough debrief.
• It sounds like a long commitment, but it takes that long to fully process your experience.
• The purpose is to “empty the barrel” (quote from our Le Rucher Ministries debrief training) regularly to help avoid little problems accumulating into bigger problems.
  • This is not the same as a trauma or crisis debrief.

DISCLAIMER

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Reliant or any other entity with which he is affiliated.

Please share your thoughts on this topic in the full document: bit.ly/4doFRgZ .

This article is part of a series. For prior articles, resources, and the author’s biography, visit bit.ly/4aXWTjQ

Books by this author: www.dharakalauthor.org

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

• Eenigenburg, Sue and Eva Burkholder, Grit to Stay Grace to Go
• Young, Amy, Looming Transitions: Starting and Finishing Well in Cross-Cultural Service

This article is submitted by Reliant. Reliant is a Missio Nexus member.  Member organizations can provide content to the Missio Nexus website. See how by clicking here.